Australian Commandos Go Head-to-Head in the Ultimate Military Quiz

Video Transcript

Australian Commandos Go Head-to-Head

Robbie: So, I don’t need you under me this whole time?

Heston: That’s right.

Robbie: Cut that video.

[Laughter]

Producer: Disclosure: they do not know what we’re about to ask them.

Heston: No, they made us leave.

Producer: Well, we’re not actually going to ask you anything. You’re going to ask each other.

We were going to call this something like Commando versus Commando and make it competitive. Tear each other’s throats out.

[Laughter]

Or 90s versus Millennial. What do you reckon? What should we call this?

Heston: SOCOM Showdown.

Robbie: Oh, yes. There we go.

Heston: The Sherwood Showdown.

Robbie: Sherwood Showdown.

Heston: People are saying that’s the Sherwood Green Beret.

Robbie: I know.

Producer: We need to open it up.

Robbie: Sherwood Showdown.

Round One

Heston: Question number one. How many years did I, Heston Russell, serve in the military?

Robbie: Sixteen.

Heston: Oh, this is rigged! He printed the card.

Robbie: I was like, no. He printed the card. I’m in his office. I’ve read your book. I swear it’s in there.

Heston: Well done.

Robbie: See, mate. Data.

Robbie: Which older rifle, commonly associated with Australian soldiers, was replaced by the F88?

Heston: That’d be the SLR.

Robbie: SLR. Very good. The self-loading rifle. 7.62 millimetre.

Heston: You know, if your eye was too close to the rear sight, it would smack you.

Robbie: You got whacked.

Heston: Love that.

Heston: Robbie, the Carl Gustav is better known in the Australian Army as what calibre weapon?

Robbie: The 84 Mike.

Heston: Very good.

Robbie: In 1999, Australian troops deployed to East Timor under what multinational force?

Heston: Oh, was that UNTAET?

It was under good old Peter Cosgrove. General Sir Peter…

INTERFET.

Robbie: INTERFET, yeah.

Heston: No, I got there. I got there from the hip.

I’m rattled by this.

Heston: Robbie, what year did I enlist in the Australian Army?

Robbie: Well, I was down there enlisting…

No, I was at Duntroon when you were there.

Heston: And you read the book, but not when I enlisted.

Robbie: I’m just clinging to every question.

So, if I met you in 2006, I know you’d been there for…

Maybe you joined ADFA before then. Yeah, you did.

I’m going to say 2003.

Heston: Ladies and gentlemen, ding, ding, ding! Well done.

Robbie: Dissected that.

Heston: Yeah, that’s good maths.

Robbie: Backcasting.

Heston: It’s a unique military…

Robbie: I was doing it in 2006.

Robbie: All right, back at you. What year did I join the Army?

Heston: Oh, jeez. Before you were born, I reckon.

Robbie: Say the Lord’s name in vain.

Heston: No, definitely not.

What year did you join the Army?

Robbie: It’s really easy because every year that ticks over now, it’s just another one to the list.

Heston: That was a terrible clue.

[Laughter]

You were definitely doing it before Timor.

I was born in 1985.

Robbie: I was not in the Army before 1985, mate. I was graduating high school.

Heston: Yeah, exactly. Which means it’s soon after.

You went straight in after high school.

I’m going to say 1987.

Robbie: 1990.

Heston: Ninety. All right.

Robbie: Every year that goes by, that’s 37 years.

Heston: Got you. It’s on the zero. It’s on the round number.

Now I’m competitive because I’m down one.

Heston: Robbie, how many combat operational deployments did I complete to Afghanistan and the Middle East?

Robbie: Ooh.

Heston: I went to Afghanistan this number of times. My last deployment was to Iraq with the SOTG crew.

Robbie: Yep. So there’s at least one.

I’ve got to say seven.

Heston: No, four.

Sorry, four to Afghanistan and one to the Middle East. That makes five.

Robbie: None when you were overseas in…

Heston: No, that fourth trip to Afghanistan was with the Americans.

Robbie: Yeah, 2015.

Heston: So, we’re back to even.

Robbie: I gave you that one.

Heston: No, sure you did. I appreciate it.

Robbie: I don’t need you under me this whole time.

Heston: That’s right.

Robbie: Cut that bit out.

[Laughter]

Heston: Where is he going with that?

Robbie: Not a chair.

[Laughter]

I was like, “Did I just say that?”

Heston: I’m feeling a bit warm in here right now.

[Laughter]

Robbie: H, before joining 2nd Commando Regiment, what was the regular Army commando unit known as?

Heston: Before it became 2nd Commando Regiment?

Robbie: Yes.

Heston: 4 RAR Commando.

Robbie: Indeed.

Heston: It changed just the year before I got there, in 2009.

I left [unclear] and then went straight back over there again as the plans officer. I did the service in Kandahar.

Robbie: Guns and buns. He was in Kandahar.

Heston: Robbie, before I became a commando, what infantry battalion was I posted to after RMC?

Robbie: 1 RAR.

Heston: Correct answer would be 2 RAR, because 1 RAR is second to 2 RAR.

Robbie: They were the ones with the blue Shetland pony.

Heston: The Shetland pony and the blue lanyard. We had the black lanyard at 2 RAR.

Robbie: That’s right. 2 RAR to 2 Commando.

Robbie: I’d like to stick with the numbers. How many years did I serve in the ADF?

Heston: Oh, you did at least your 20.

When did you…

All right, I can work this one out.

Here we go.

2014… 2013. I reckon you got out in 2013.

Robbie: That’s some thinking.

Heston: I would say 33.

No, no, no. Twenty-three. Twenty-three.

Robbie: Sorry?

Heston: Twenty-three. Twenty-three years.

Robbie: Twenty-three, yeah. 2013.

Heston: Your last question before my last question.

Robbie, this is an off-the-cuff question.

Robbie: Yes.

Heston: At 2nd Commando Regiment, which subunit did I spend the majority of my time at?

Robbie: Ooh. This is one I do not know.

Heston: Wow.

For those who don’t know, there were four companies: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie and Delta. Then there was Operational Support Company, Logistics Support Company and Regimental Headquarters.

You can probably eliminate a couple of those.

Which subunit was I at the longest?

Robbie: I don’t know. I’m going to take a guess here.

Could I phone a friend?

Heston: No. Let’s make it a bit more visual.

Alpha Company were the Vikings.

Bravo Company were the Spartans, then became the Convicts.

Charlie Company were the Wolves.

Delta Company were the Punishers.

Do you remember any of those visuals?

Robbie: Not when it relates to you.

I could probably assign one of those to you based on the stuff you do in your life.

Heston: Let’s pluck one. Which one do you reckon?

Robbie: You could punish yourself.

Heston: No.

Robbie: In the gym!

Heston: You didn’t let me finish.

Robbie: You didn’t speak fast enough.

I’m going to say Alpha.

Heston: Yes! Well done, mate. The Vikings.

Robbie: Bloody hell.

Heston: November Platoon, Alpha Company. I was there as a platoon commander in 2010, 2011 and 2012.

Robbie: I should have recognised the November Platoon.

Heston: Yes.

Robbie: All right, final question from me to you.

How many Special Forces deployments did I complete?

Heston: I’m going to say three, because this entire time I’ve been able to see the text through the back of your card.

Robbie: Oh, my Lord.

Heston: Win.

Robbie: That’s great. Special operations.

I don’t know how you figured that one out, but it’s time for the bonus round.

Bonus Round: Guess the Price

Producer: First item is the F-35A Lightning II.

Okay, show your answers.

Oh, wow.

The closest answer is $130 million, making you both over.

Robbie wins.

Producer: Next item is a Bushmaster PMV.

Heston: How much would I pay for a Bushmaster?

[Laughter]

Robbie: How much would you pay?

They’ve saved a lot of people’s lives, so they’re invaluable.

Producer: Okay, show your answers.

Robbie: Six million.

Heston: I’ve gone lowball this time.

Producer: Another Robbie win.

Heston: They’re actually a lot cheaper than I expected.

Producer: The Collins-class submarine.

Robbie: How much is a flash one?

Heston: A flash one? That one?

Producer: All right. What have you got?

Robbie: $350 million.

Heston: $500 million for me.

Producer: This is the one that’s a lot more expensive than you may expect.

Heston: Oh, sure. That makes sense. Wow.

Robbie: What’s the score at the moment?

Producer: You’ve won everything.

Heston: You’re…

Robbie: I know.

[Laughter]

I don’t play games I can’t win.

Producer: I believe this is our last item on the list.

Robbie: I’m enjoying this game.

Producer: Army combat helmet.

Heston: Only you would ask that.

Robbie: Just a helmet, mate. I love it.

Producer: Ready?

Both: Yep.

Producer: Show your answers.

Robbie: $2,500.

Heston: $750.

Producer: There we go. Heston wins.

Heston: A point for H in our final round.

Robbie: I didn’t want to make it a clean sweep, mate.

Heston: No, keep going. That was fun.

Producer: We don’t have any more.

[Laughter]

Robbie: We don’t have any more, and I’ve got stuff to do. You need to get out of here.

Heston: Thanks. That was awesome.

Robbie: Come on.

Closing Outtakes

Robbie: Robbie reads the H…

No, that’s not good.

Anyway.

Heston: Wow. I don’t play games…

Robbie: Oh, yeah, you did.

Heston: Wow.

Robbie: Jeez, before you were born, I reckon.

Heston: Here we go.

Robbie: No, no. You do the numbers thing.